Lost In China

I’ve never got over my love of English Pubs. Happy places with happy people enjoying themselves ? Well maybe. Back in the 1970s when I started drinking in them perhaps, but not any more sadly. Roger Scruton wrote a beautiful essay about the Melancholy of modern Pub life that I read recently? I still like to go to them though.  The great days of British Pubs are over now. Killed by a combination of Tesco’s cheap booze,  the smoking ban and the creepy advance of bourgeois individualism. “You come to us ?”.  “Oh no we’ll come to you”.  We can show off our new bathroom suite. Or more likely these days our sanded floors with expensive rugs. 

So I arrived in China. There are no Pubs here in the English sense, just bars. This is some of what I’ve learnt about Chinese bars, or at least the ones in my area. 

Firstly never go before 10pm. The place will  be empty. Unless there’s a singing competition on. In which case there’ll be 500 there in a bar that can comfortably accommodate 200. Then I order a beer. At this point the barman will give me a beer and often refuse to take any money. After an argument I accept the first beer gratis. When I order a second one I threaten to walk out unless I pay. This normally does the trick. We then have a stilted conversation which involves much typing on our phones. I’m asked about England and what I’m doing here. I’m then asked whether I can play the guitar. They know very well that I can play the guitar………badly !! I then play the guitar…..badly……

A Tshirt slogan I hadn’t seen before that I spotted yesterday. It reads *Fuck You, Fuck me. Fuck everyboddee *……..well it rhymes ; and scans ; nearleeeeee.